entry 26: next few days, works on gundam00 was getting busier.with other recordings and event going on, i hardly see kamiyan at home. had lunch with yocchin. we've made up. but we've become nothing more than just friends. we laughed off our past and look forward to out futures. one night, kamiyan came back really late and was a little tipsy. instead of going in his room, he laid down on the living room floor. i got up from bed to see him. the closer i got to him, i heard sobbing. his back facing me though. i tried not to make any noise as i tiptoed towards him. "Why?", was what he said.

entry 27: me and yocchin had been meeting alot lately. we had lunches and hanging out after work and weekends when we're free. he'll come over to dinner at times. whenever kamiyan's home dining, i would forget about that night. "Why?" Wanted to ask him but it would slip my mind til the night ends. Having yocchin with us has been so much fun. Everything else just turns invisible to me.

entry 28: we decided to have a holiday out together. yocchin, kamiyan, mikishin-nii, mamo are free off recording. we went out for a picnic. mikishin-nii and mamo brought their families along. been awhile i've not met up with mikishin-nii's girls. we all had our suntannings, playing around in the water, unfortunately for me, my fair skin turns red right after i got under the sun. the wives made lunch. digged ourselves with the lovely foods like there'll be never tomorrow. the gentlemens would stay one side and talk, laughing their hearts out loud.

entry 29: the gundam has ended. a movie will be slated next year. events everywhere went on smoothly. things between the ex and the friend are going great.
Suddenly the sound of glass breaking came in from the kitchen. I called out to kamiyan but there was no answer. I got up from my room and did a check. Kamiyan was down on the floor. Being careful as I go to him, i reached for him. he was concious, thank goodness. felt his face and forehead, he was burning hot. before i could get him to stand up, i brushed away the shattered glasses with a piece of cloth i could grab from the dining table. I then brought him to the licing room. laid him down, place the cushion below his head and called for an ambulance. while waiting, i took all the ice from the freezer to cool him down.

entry 30: 3 days since. Kamiyan was down with exhaustion. he has not had any rest and have been keeping on working. i would give him a visit in the hospital whenever i'm free. lunch and sometimes would stayed over til late after work. Friends would come in between breaks and let their stress out on him. LOL! kamiyan cam home back on the 4th day. yocchin helped us on the way back and prepared dinner too. as we sat down for tea, kamiyan retires to his room as he was sleepy from the drowsy medicines he has taken. leaving me and yocchin alone, he too decided to make a move.
The feeling i have then was, confusing. I love him being my friend but I miss those days.
It was my fault.
We said our goodbyes and I went back to the kitchen to do a final clean up. While washing the left over dishes, kamiyan slips his arms around my shoulders from the back. Holding me tight as he rest his head on my right shoulder. he was awake. i stood still. we stayed that way for awhile.

entry 31: we've shared bed since then. snuggling up to me quietly everytime he comes home late after i've asleep. give him morning kisses before i got up to head off for shower. we would leave for work together sometimes. holding our hands. i was reluctant at first but he merely just grabbed my hand and hold tight. pulling me closer to him, everytime. Lunch schedules permits us to be together. at times, he would appear at my desk with a cup coffee and snacks that sometimes staffs would be running around looking for him. it's happiness. i could never be happier. i'm in cloud nine. i love this feeling.

entry 32: at home, dinner with kamiyan and yocchin. i remembered the time when i saw kamiyan and yocchin at the hospital together. i asked them about it. they stared at me for awhile and laughed. they explained that they were there donating blood. but in a dialysis center? that isn't right. yocchin explains that the shortcut to the donating blood center was nearer when going through the dialysis center. and since he got to know a friend there, they were able to go through the the center without any problem. it wasn't convincing enough but kamiyan assured me by putting his arm around me and gave me a quick kiss on my cheek, saying how cute i am when i'm acting like a detective all sorts. i got really annoyed when they just continued laughing and teasing me more. well, i pretend not to hear them anymore.

entry 33: it's been a month. me and kamiyan has got on really well. arguments here and there but we love each other. it was too good to be true. i have not seen yocchin for quite some time. i was told that he had took some day off.
On break time, i walked my way down the office corridor to get a cup of coffee from the vending machine. As I got nearer, i hear some people there. 2 staffs were there. buying their drinks. waiting for ones turn, i overheard their conversation as i waited behind the pillar. my heart breaks when i heard.

entry 34: back at home, i laid in bed. thinking over what i've heard.....

girl 1- he's losing hair, i was told.
girl 2- that's why he's been wearing a beaning all the time. my boyfriend saw him coughing badly once and asked him if he's ok but he said it was nothing but suddenly he passed out. kamiyan was with him too tt time.
girl 1- yup. it was cancer alright. saw him at the hospital. my friend's a nurse there. she was doing her rounds and saw him in a ward.
girl 2- that's sad. how long is he able to live?
girl 1- i don't know. but he'll be a great lost. he's such a good-looking guy.

I couldn't concentrate on my work. took some leaves. i would hang out at the park or walk around the shopping malls. sometimes i would just go back home straight and try to sleep it off. kamiyan would ask if i'm ok, i would just answer that i'm stressed out.
finally one day, been meaning to ask kamiyan. text messaged him, got a reply saying he's still in the studio. called him but was told that he has left. just where is he?! called his mobile but he didn't answer.

entry 35: i can't help it anymore. i can't take it anymore. we were lying down in our bed, trying to fall asleep. i turned around and sat up. i pulled kamiyan to sit up. look at him in the face and asked...
"Where's Yocchin?"
He just look at me. his face turning pale. for awhile, he didnt say anything. I snapped. I was in a panic state. for a moment. kamiyan put his arms around me and hold me tight. for awhile, he then let me go and told me to change.
An hour later, we were at the hospital lobby, walking towards to the elevator, my hands start to shake. I tried to cool myself down. Kamiyan held my hand tight. Went up to the 6th floor and turned left to a corridor. As we walked nearer to the 4th door, i look at the name tag. Yocchin's name. It's written clearly there. Kamiyan pushed me towards the door and told me, "call me when you need me." he left me there and disappeared off. i stood there for awhile and gather my courage. i pulled the sliding door open and walked in. there was yocchin on the bed, his back facing me, laughing from a tv show he's watching. I called out to him. He turned. The laughters has silent. "Karin"... he called out my name, softly with a guilty face on him.
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